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Topic: Ever consider suicide? (Read 2876 times) |
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jonny
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Ever?
................................jonny
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #1 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 6:21am » |
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Not in the last forty years. Why?
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pimmony
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #2 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 6:28am » |
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Yes, I have. And, unrelated to cluster headaches, I tried to do it several years ago and really mucked it up. It was a serious attempt, not a cry for help. I have not tried again because I know that the process of patching up a messed up suicide attempt is appalling.
I know that if I had to do it again I would have to succeed.
However, I shall not do it again. Life is not so sweet that I feel I want to hang onto it, but every now and then there is a moment of absolute love and I live for those rare moments.
I think, too, that I owe it to Rachel, who saved me from hunger and homelessness, to survive and achieve -- not for her but for me. Because she had that faith in me.
Jonny, I do not know you very well at all but in this short time I am not assuming you mean you would do this. I hope not anyway, because you are the reason I remain here - with your tough and hard hitting humour and blunt words, you make things real.
And I do not draw big boobs for just anyone!
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The mad viking
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #3 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 6:43am » |
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Tried it twice
First time with rohypnol.But my wife"bless her"came home from her job and understand whats going on and call the ER.The doc gave me some "narcantil"i think.Had my worst hangover ever after that
The second time was when i had my heartattack.Had it for 2 days with all the classic signals.I just was waiting for it to knock me out permanently .I refuse her to call but after 2 days"dont know if she overruled me"or i said call."BLESS HER FOR THAT TO"The rest of the story i think you all know.
I had to promise here never again,and i`m gonna keep that promise.
I think that some of you will call suicide a cowards way out.I will NEVER agree on that.Its all a question of when you are over the edge.Some of us can deal with all the pain and some are not.When everything is working against you,you soon be over the edge.
And after all the help and sympathy i got i feel obligated to help everybody here in Norway with headpain.Thats incudes migrainers.I`ll NEVER look down on them.Its not up to me to meassure the pain up with another.Think its better to think that its always somebody out there that are worse then you.
Hope that this answer your question Jonny
The very best from
Svenn
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| « Last Edit: Jan 5th, 2003, 6:53am by The mad viking » |
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jonny
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #4 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 7:03am » |
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Pimmony,
I saw that the board was at a stand still when it comes to topics and decided to throw this question out there, I myself have thought about it....but who wouldnt after 27 years chronic?
Sorry folks, im here to stay.....LOL ;D
I got AZ to go to in.....uhhh...how many days does it say up there in the corner?
You draw fantastic boobs, Pimmony.....and TY for drawing a pair just for me!!
Now everyone grab an oar and start Fucking rowing!!!! (Damn hard to find good help these days ) ;D
.................................jonny 
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The mad viking
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #5 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 7:38am » |
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I think that you did us all a favour by bringing this subject up here Jonny.
I believe that "suicide thoughts"is a side of clusterheadache that we all has to deal with sooner or later.
Its just so sad that its a so called tabu to think or deal with that subject,but yet it so importent to work against in any way we can
Svenn
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jonny
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #6 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 8:02am » |
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So true, Svenn
If anyone's thinking of doing such a stupid thing they should talk with their family.
The family that knows.....Clusterheads!!!
..................................jonny
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| « Last Edit: Jan 5th, 2003, 8:41am by jonny » |
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RevDeFord
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #7 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 8:29am » |
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I have tried 2 times, not cluster related, both was back in the early 90's. Neither one did anyone know about. I hesitate calling it stupid, because it was a chemical problem that drove me ona downward spiral, and apparently unbeknownst to me, several on my mother's side of the family have dealt with severe depression.
One of the times I drank 16 bottles of icehouse and downed 30 over the counter sleeping pills. Needless to say, I was very surprised when I woke up.
The other time I loosened the lug nuts on my tires of my jeep and drove at a high-speed over an over pass hoping to lose control.
You can tell my state of mind on the last one.
I have sought special training and have served as a crisis counselor as a result of my experiences.
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suzy617
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #8 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 8:42am » |
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Everytime I get hit with the beast I do think about it. I carry the scene out in my head but if in reality someone were to hand me the gun or the pills, I know I really couldnt or wouldnt. I think it is a selfish act that would ruin the lives of the people who love you and I believe life does eventually get better, only you cant sit and wait for that to happen, youve got to make that happen yourself. Just imagining doing it is good enough for me.
suzy
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Frank
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #9 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 8:59am » |
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I have never considered it. However I have asked my next door neighbor "Hey Bob, ever consider suicide?". More of a suggestion than a question.
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ShariRae
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #10 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 9:23am » |
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I have openly admitted that I have thought about it. The first time I found this board..I was sitting here..with the gun in my lap..and I know if it werent for jonny,nancyc,ree&sailpappy..I would have done it... I literally owe them my life..and will always be eternally grateful to all the folks here...i saw no other way out of this pain....until they showed me...and let me know that they understood..and I think thats what makes this home....knowing people DO understand. Never judge anyone that has come close..or even tried...no one knows whats really in their mind...
just my 2 cents worth
you are all truly loved
Shari
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Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.
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Silver_Dolphins
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #11 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 9:32am » |
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Yep. Both because of the CH and other problems. Never carried it out, nor do I think I have the intestinal fortitude to do so.
I can also understand why some folks would commit suicide. Especially those that suffer from CH. Sometimes it seems like a viable solution.
But I am in this thing for the long haul.
Where's that friggin oar?
PFDAN
Silver Dolphins
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Through the corridors of sleep, past the shadows dark and deep, my mind dances and leaps in confusion. I don't know what is real, I can't touch what I feel, and I hide behind the shield of my illusion
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nancyc
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #12 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 10:26am » |
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I have thought of it every time I start getting hit ...but as of yet, i have not carried it out..BUT, I know if it had not been for my family here, I may have tried..You guys kept my head on straight even when I was in pain.. I was on the phone with another clusterhead yesterday, we were discussing this. My son got extremely mad cause I even mentioned it...Seems like non-clusterheads cant feel our pain... I would have to stick around if the beast decided to start dancing again...got a grandson to live for now...and he makes everything in my life better...lol...smiles, nancyc ps sharierae, you are loved, sis!
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| « Last Edit: Jan 5th, 2003, 10:29am by nancyc » |
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ave
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #13 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 10:39am » |
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All right, jonny.
Yes. Once. Tried it too. Failed.
If you feel shitty and life is the pits, think of waking up after a failed attempt and looking around a hospital ward where everybody knows what you have done - and then an apprentice nurse walks in to wash you and it is somebody you know...
This was where I hit bottom, 40 years ago this August. I couldn't get any lower. Life could only get better after that.
I never regretted taking that option. The other one has expired long since anyway.
And if this cannot convince you, try this poem called Résumé from my all time favorite sarcast, Dorothy Parker...
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
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Anja24BR
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #14 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 10:54am » |
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Hello...
Yes... i did consider it many many times... for lots and lots of reasons.
But i never made anything to this "wish" come true...
The last time i thought about it was when the doctor told me the CH had no cure.
I could not think how could i live having 3,4,5 attacks during the day... how could i even leave the house with the feeling that any moment i could have an attack?
But I found confort when I found the Ch webpages and talked to Masti, Stan, Ken and found that there are solutions to handle with it. Yesterday i took my first medication. I'ts now here in Brasil 2:15pm. My last attack was yesterday at 7:00 am. So i hope the medicines are working.
Kisses to all
Maria Rita
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pimmony
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #15 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 11:04am » |
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I too do not think that attempting suicide is stupid, for the simple reason that no one in their right mind would do it.
However, there are events which occur in life which either upset emotional or physical balance sufficiently that one can be said to be not in their right mind.
Thing is that in this state you are at times utterly convinced you are rational.
This is a very frightening thing in retrospect because you begin to understand that, with the best will in the world, things happen that unbalance you and it is only after the event that you are aware.
Pain can also drive you out of your mind.
I said to the neurologist that I do pain well, and I do. I can take an awful lot of pain - I know this historically and prior to the cluster bout. During the bout, and attacks, I simply became resigned to the pain and bore through it. I never thought of suicide. I do not know how it would be if I was chronic.
I suspect it is not the pain but the wearing down, the emotional response to a lack of sleep, fear of pain, whatever that would dictate my state of mind - I experienced that only to an extent it distressed me.
When I was suicidal I spoke with people, I did try to seek solace from those close to me. They did not understand or assumed that I was lucid and resolved and there was nothing that they could do. They chose to mourn me but not stop me. Could be it was just plain hassle and they were not prepared to take it on board, fearing the commitment.
I hope I would care sufficiently to do everything possible to prevent someone from this course, even were they a stranger. The reason I say that is because there will come a time for them when they are stable again and only then can they make judgements.
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2late
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #16 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 11:32am » |
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never!! way to much to live for, kids wife, friends & the open road, not necessarily in that order ;D ..........2late
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j.halber
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #17 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 11:47am » |
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Considered it several times never tried, have the overwhelming feeling I would just have to come back and do it All over again, just harder. Really good of you to bring up this topic jonny!!!!!
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Mr. Happy
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #18 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 12:10pm » |
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brain_cramps
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #19 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 12:17pm » |
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Over the years, I have known 7 friends that have made that FINAL decision. I never thought I would ever come close.
About a year and a half ago, I went through a rough stretch. First, it was trying to deal with work with CH. I blew up at a co-worker and was removed from the job-site.
After being out of work for a couple months (and pretty broke by then), I messed up my foot pretty good. (shattered heel: 6 breaks, tore 85% of ligaments in my ankle, broke 3 toes, ruptured my achilles tendon)
I emailed a friend of mine that had recently moved across the country to tell him my situation. ie. broke, outta work, won't be walking for 6months to a year.
A couple days later, broke up with my girlfriend. (miss her - with every shot so far) She probably couldn't have picked a worse time, as far as I was concerned. (She would probably disagree)
So I unplugged the phone, sat down with a big bottle of Crown Royal (best rye money can buy), about 80 Tylenol-3's, and some old sleeping pills I found. Needless to say, I woke up (with the hangover-of-the-year).
That day, I received a call from the family my friend that had just moved. He'd taken his life the previous day. I know how his loss affected my other friends and I. I couldn't imagine losing 2 friends, the same way, on the same day.
Since that day, I have never considered it, and hopefully never will (even when in cycle).
Those of you that think it is the coward's way out, I AGREE!!! You are simply taking your pain (whatever it is) and spreading it out over everyone that was close to you.
Oh, and my foot... 9 months with a cast, crutches, and cane. 18months later and I can walk with no noticeable limp, even though I still can't run (or ski  )
Grant
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brain_cramps
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #20 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 12:23pm » |
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Mr. Happy:
good picture. Its good to know that I can still laugh at this.
jonny:
excellent thread. We all should discuss this, since most, if not all of us have thought of this at 3:00 AM with a KIP-10.
PFDANs to all,
grant
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| « Last Edit: Jan 5th, 2003, 12:50pm by brain_cramps » |
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cecile
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #21 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 12:43pm » |
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Of course I thought about it : each time pain comes unbearable but, as some one says in his post, each time it was 'cause i wasn't in my "normal" state (so it was not really serious)
the only time i really thought about it, it was last week after i loose my baby ..... You may not believe it, but this is why I came back to this site : to find support near.
and actually it works cause in A couple of days i allready feel better : thank you so much all 
lots of love to you all 
cécile
nb : M.Happy /
1. cONGRATULATION FOR THE PICTURE
2. I LOVE YOUR NAME
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cootie
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #22 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 1:03pm » |
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suicide.....well.....pimmony explained bi-polar or (manic depressant) purdy much to the ' T '.....happy happy one minute and ready ta shoot yerself the next.....but the feelings and emotions that go with the mood swings are too REAL.....then ta add to it I've had a rough emotional time since my freinds were killed two years ago.....then I lost my true life buddy, my horse....and I had to make the desicion to let him go....There's a big void.....but keepin busy doin what you enjoy is the best deterant there is...take all talk you hear of suicide SERIOUS my freinds....your answers or compassion at that moment may be sumones decideing factor. I've lost alot of freinds to suicide. My emotions switch so fast it catches me off guard...I kinda think that's what happens.....keepin busy is the best thing......and freinds !! But ta answer the question.....yeah I've thought about it way to many times....but there's too many roads left ta travel and wind in my face....Pam
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Elaine
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #23 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 5:32pm » |
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Yes a few times I have tried But never because of clusters. Cancer and feeling really alone, and not wanting to let my family watch me die was the main reason for each time.
I believe in the right to die act...when it comes to the terminal ill.
I never hurt from a cluster so bad as to have a gun at my head. I can bearly give myself a shot much less pull a trigger durning a cluster. I can't even think when I have one enough to figure out a good way to kill myself.
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Roxy
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Re: Ever consider suicide?
« Reply #24 on: Jan 5th, 2003, 6:02pm » |
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Only during the last two weeks.
And only in the middle of the ungodly number of kip 10's I've been having.
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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