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Jill
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Damn this beast...
« on: Dec 19th, 2002, 12:07pm » |
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What else can I say.......
Jill 
Sorry....bad day.... 
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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brain_cramps
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #1 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 12:09pm » |
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WOW!!!
That's gotta be your shortest post ever!
Hang in there!
Grant
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Mark C
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #2 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 12:13pm » |
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PF vibes your way, hang on Jill.
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Jill
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"Life is a series of goodbyes and hellos" Billy J.
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #3 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 3:42pm » |
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Damn this beast....can I say it a hundred times today??
Seven dances today, seven hits, seven what used to be fights but is now just times to beg for relief....seven and it is early.
One functioning eye, bruised face, sore neck.....damn this beast.
So what is the thing people call pain free?? When is it my turn? ???
Fear, that is all that I can do, fear the next dance....damn this beast....
Jill
sorry, know that no one wants to hear this....really bad day.... 
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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Jill
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"Life is a series of goodbyes and hellos" Billy J.
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #4 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 3:43pm » |
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Damn this beast....can I say it a hundred times today??
Seven dances today, seven hits, seven what used to be fights but is now just times to beg for relief....seven and it is early still.
One functioning eye, bruised face, sore neck.....damn this beast.
So what is the thing people call pain free?? When is it my turn? ???
Fear, that is all that I can do, fear the next dance....damn this beast....
Jill
sorry, know that no one wants to hear this....really bad day....
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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Jill
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"Life is a series of goodbyes and hellos" Billy J.
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #5 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 3:44pm » |
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Sorry...damn computer...damn beast.....geesh...
Jill
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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CathiP
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Jill, darlin' USE YOUR PEAS! Both bags if necessary! You've GOT to remain strong....everyone here is with you, and sending you their own brand of energy.
DO NOT let this affliction get the best of you- you are stronger than it!
Sending comfort and hugs, darlin'
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Roxy
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #7 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 5:28pm » |
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Not just damn the beast...damn it to hell and back. I got hit 6 times yesterday.
Three during the day, three at night. At least no one was around to watch except for the last one. I haven't let anyone else in my family (except my husband) see me in the midst of one.
I have the only damn kids that are awake at 3:30 in the morning... I thought they were asleep.
My son caught me bent over, ass in the air, with my head stuck in the under the counter ice maker. (yes mom, I did clean the ice out later). He asked me how much wine I'd had to drink....scared my daughter, she was trying to haul me...flannel pants and all to the ER.
I'd like to know how everyone else handles an attack!
Do you sit and break chair arms....pace...bang walls...cuss...cry...or are you able to face this stoic and with some dignity? Cause I sure as hell can't!!! My son now knows I can imaginatively, out cuss his whole fraternity (he knew I was pretty good before...but not quite in that league). He said at one point I was banging my head on the arm of the couch while rhythmically uttering fuck, fuck, fuck…said it had a definite metronome quality.
I remember doing it…but didn’t even think about it at the time. IS THIS NORMAL? You can hear what people say to you…but it’s like it doesn’t even really penetrate. I was really scared last night. I had tried to tell my kids…I didn’t mean to scare them. We laughed about it later…well, my son did. He wants vocabulary lessons, and asked if he could use the ice machine for hangovers. My daughter still won’t really talk about it.
How are you supposed to feel after these stupid damn things? I always feel like I’ve been hit by a truck (or rode hard and put up wet…but I thought that might cause too many comment…LOL), I’m just exhausted after one. IS THIS NORMAL? It’s driving me crazy…and believe me, that’s not a long trip.
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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brain_cramps
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #8 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:01pm » |
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My neighbors saw me at 2:30AM in the back yard crawling around by myself, holding my head, yelling "Get the fuck out of there!" and didn't call 911.
go figure.
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domm
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #9 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:10pm » |
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Normal ? - nothing is "normal" when the beast decides to beat the shit out of your head.
After my attacks, I always felt relieved and almost euphoric - "Oh Yeah you rotten MOFO, I beat you this time...." false bravado I'm afraid. He always seemed to pay me back double the next time.
Are there no meds working for either of you? Geez - I wish I could help, but all I can offer is some hope. It DOES go away (for episodics) and I hope and pray you're not chronic. I don't know how they can handle it every day. They are made of sturdier stuff than I.
Hang tough and let me know how I can help.
domm
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Roxy
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #10 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:10pm » |
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Was that you? You know...when I looked out my window....LOL
Thanks, I don't feel quite so bad now.
R
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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cathy
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #11 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:27pm » |
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on Dec 19th, 2002, 5:28pm, Roxy wrote:
I have the only damn kids that are awake at 3:30 in the morning... I thought they were asleep.
Jill......
I think those might be my kids you have over there.... ;D
My son caught me bent over, ass in the air, with my head stuck in the under the counter ice maker.
Jill........
Thats normal...in our house anyhow....LOL
I was banging my head on the arm of the couch while rhythmically uttering fuck, fuck, fuck…
Jill .....Thats normal too 
I always feel like I’ve been hit by a truck or rode hard and put up wet…............I’m just exhausted after one. IS THIS NORMAL?
Jill .......It has been known.... ;D
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Hey, Im so sorry you are suffering and I hope the above goes a little way to cheering you up, I will be sending you all my PF energy, take care...... 
Whatever you have to do to fight the beast is okay by us.......and if anyone else has a problem them with it .....send them HERE !!!!
Cathy
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My own tears would mean nothing to me, if I could stop you from just shedding one....
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dodger
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #12 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:35pm » |
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Roxy: Going to try this again. I was going to send this sooner but I had a visitor, you know who I mean. What your going through sounds familiar. Lately I have been getting hit about 5-6 times during the day + a couple of times at night after I've fallen asleep. As far as what other people do during an attack, I think that everybody develops their own individual routine. I'll pass this alongand it might help you or someone else. At the 1st. sign , I put water on my head and then rub it withan ice cube, then I stand in front of a fan. Lately mine have only been lasting 10-20 min. (what a breeze) I also try to keep my breathing shallow, and from time to time take sudden deep breaths. It seems I have been able to keep pretty good control of them by doing this. I don't get into my pacing and dancing act unless a 9 or 10 develops. Sounds like your getting up into that range. Hope some of this helps you.
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paul_b
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #13 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:42pm » |
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My two little dogs Guido and Cleo watch me pace back and forth and back and forth as I talk to myself. I imagine them thinking all kinds of things as a distraction to the pain. Yup, they have concluded I am weird. They haven't asked for a transfer to a more sane household. I'm glad. Pets are a great source of comfort. Doing Cleo a return favor. She ruptured a disk Monday and last night was her first night back from the vet. She can't support herself on her back legs right now but the wife and I hope that things will improve. Cleo and I are taking one day at time.
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Jill
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #14 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:45pm » |
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So...uh...where is that energy? Too many damn fights to feel it, this stinks to say the least.
Damn this beast....can I just keep saying it? I would say damn this beast to hell but I am living in hell now so what good would it do?
I have nothing, not a thing to help with this damn beast (sorry). No preventatives, no abortives....lets not go there. Just my bag of peas that my mom keeps trying to take from me and the nasty coffee, if I am lucky. Alot of good that does me..
Damn beast, gets me going for an hour to an hour and a half, pure torture. There is something besides a Kip 8,9 and 10....damn. 
Coping, yeah right....understanding what a bunch of __. My parents told me yesterday to take it outside, they got tired of the crying and the head banging and the cursing....so the barn it is.....just great.
Afterwards, just want to crash but cant do that...no stinking way...that just leads to another one. Sleep what the heck is that? Damn this beast.
Man, this is one bitter post....sorry....been a bad day.
One more time, damn this beast as he comes again full force....damn it damn it....you get the idea...
Jill
sorry....
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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rat
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #15 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 6:45pm » |
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I feel your pain, and at times it is normal. I find that soaking my head with very cold water helps. Good luck and keep your chin up.
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Roxy
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #16 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 7:08pm » |
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Domm...yes I'm chronic, but I honestly think after reading for so long on this site, that the one's who are episodic don't have it any better than the chronics. The episodics seem to get hit really hard and intense. Usually, I'll only have two to three a day, and one at night. Those six yesterday were unusual, that only happens about once or twice a month.
Jill...I'm so sorry you are in such pain. Mental and physical. You have a supporter in me...even if it is from a distance. I hope this cycle ends for you soon, just bear with it as best you can...and keep posting...we will be your support.
R
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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Silver_Dolphins
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #17 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 7:51pm » |
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DAMN THIS BEAST
That's appropriate. I would have added a few more colorful words, but, I guess you feel the need to be polite.
I am sorry that you are having this visit by the Beast. I wish he would get it. He isn't welcome. Never was.
And send your parents to the comforts of the barn while you writhe in agony in the house.
Wishing you all PFDAN
Silver Dolphins
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Through the corridors of sleep, past the shadows dark and deep, my mind dances and leaps in confusion. I don't know what is real, I can't touch what I feel, and I hide behind the shield of my illusion
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Jill
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"Life is a series of goodbyes and hellos" Billy J.
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #18 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 8:03pm » |
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Damn this beast!
Going to start that way for a long time, someone stop me...I am mad...and I do mean mad. I am serious.
Damn it all to hell....my peas are gone. Where did they go? Hell if I know...they are just gone.
Say it again, damn it. We are out of coffee too, no one cares but me. No energy to go buy some, hell have no money.
Can I add some colorful words here....how about...F... no nevermind, dont get me started.
And you mean there is an end to this? Eight months and there will be an end? When? Is that the same time that I see the stars?
Sorry, getting kinda mean here I think...I will shut up now, sorry.
Damn the beast....that is all that I can say....Damn him.
Jill
This makes no sense, sorry...damn the beast, I cant even think...geesh...
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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suzy617
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #19 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 8:09pm » |
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Jill, Sorry that that damn beast is still messing with you. Hang in there girlfriend, he's bound to get bored soon and leave.
Roxy, Of course your normal, well around us you are, LOL. I'm sure all of us have acted totally irrational while our brains were getting yanked out. Just imagine us all in one hugh room doing our head banging thing together. Do ya think we would freak the outside world out or what?
suzy
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OneEyeBlind
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #20 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 8:56pm » |
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Ok, here goes -
#1 - DAMN the beast and leave my friends alone !!!
#2 - HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS to ya Jill
#3 - I have got to start looking out my windows more often ..... perhaps I have some local clusterheads that will give me the entertainment that the WWE is missing !!!!
#4 - FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM FUCKEM
Ok, so now I am feeling a little better ... how about you all ?
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Jill
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #21 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 10:12pm » |
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Okay...last time..promise...Damn this beast...really gotta stop now...oops
Another dance, another torturous hour down, well almost...pretty much...what away to say it. Now time to wait for next...great, will it be an hour, two hours, how about three (yeah right) when ??? ...damn you...get out of my head....
I am not sure whether to cry, scream or just not move right now...cant see out of one eye, neck hurts, head is sore, so exhausted....oh what to do...cant sleep, gotta stay awake, sleep only instigates the beast...
Maybe I will just yell again, damn this beast...wait no, cant do that, dont want to get kicked out to the barn again...geesh. Guess that I will just have to say it here, sorry. 
Damn this beast, go to hell, leave me alone and fuck off....oops...sure hate that word...oh well.....
Okay, thats it for now...I wont say it again...oh what the hell....damn this beast.
Jill
sorry, gotta stop posting this now....been a bad day (did I already say that)...been a long day, how about that?
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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Mastifflvr28
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #22 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 11:01pm » |
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Quote:| I have nothing, not a thing to help with this damn beast (sorry). No preventatives, no abortives....lets not go there. |
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Jill...why don't we want to go there?
We might be able to help here.
Sorry Jill and Roxy that you are having it so rough right now.
Mast
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Mastifflvr28 (aka Michelle A.)
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http://www.maplefallswebdesign.com/misc/oxygen/oxygen.htm
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Jill
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"Life is a series of goodbyes and hellos" Billy J.
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #23 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 11:18pm » |
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Hmm....where to begin with that one. It is a messy topic, to me anyways.
Lets see, maybe I should start with preventatives here. The last med that the doc put me on was Indocin, 125 mg aday which did nothing but make me sicker that I already am. I had to stop taking it, it was awful and what was the point, it did nothing. He is on leave now and the temp. doctor wont prescribe anything, so no meds. What does it matter, my doc has no idea what to do now....just great.
As for abortives, I can get those two wonderful imitrex a month but not for much longer. Seems that they think that are addictive and cause more harm than good... yeah right..let them have this pain. Cant get any other abortives, no doesnt like me taking them everyday... says that they arent good for me. You know, somedays... no lets be nice.
So that leads here, tried to get oxygen...you know safest that you can take. Normal doctor said no, temp doctor said yes. So after four hours at the hospital trying to get it, being turned down and being told, no way, I gave up. Then I went home and come to find out, a miracle happen..they were delivering O2 that night...great right? Wait, there is more. My parents told me (they must talk to the one doc), it is not "necessary" and told them to take it back. What could I do, no money to pay for it, just had to watch it leave.......
So here I am, no doc in town, no meds but plenty of damn pain....
I used to have a bag of peas....cant imagine where they went and no more coffee.....what the hell am I gonna do???
Hope that this made sense, my head is so battered that to think at all is a miracle in itself. Damn this beast...sorry wasnt going to say it this time.
Jill
I hate this, damn this beast....
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"If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase. Maybe that is what its all about after all.."
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Mastifflvr28
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Re: Damn this beast...
« Reply #24 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 11:27pm » |
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Jill,
I thought Karen T (forget who exactly) got you an oxygen bottle, and I know Not4hire sent you his beloved regulator...what happened to those?
I also know that someone in chat offered you a bunch of imitrex and you refused?
Also...what about Verapmil? Any experience with that?
Just wondering...
Mast
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| « Last Edit: Dec 20th, 2002, 12:04am by Mastifflvr28 » |
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Mastifflvr28 (aka Michelle A.)
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OXYGEN!!!
http://www.maplefallswebdesign.com/misc/oxygen/oxygen.htm
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