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Topic: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you (Read 583 times) |
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SommelierCH
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Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« on: Dec 16th, 2002, 2:51am » |
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O.K. here goes. I’ve been working on this for a long time, but just when I was going to post it, something would happen that made me rethink my choices. If I wait any longer it will be Valentines Day! In the end I had to realize, “You can’t please all the people, all the time”.
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When Santa (me…Santa doesn’t exist, sorry) was making his list and checking it twice, he found 3 naughty and the rest nice. Of the 3 naughty, he contacted the first and straightened things out (he hopes). The second contacted him and he made a lengthy reply, received no response, so he will let it go. The third (whose juvenile motives are readily transparent), gets a mini slam and a lump of coal.
Here are the gifts that Santa (me again, sorry) has chosen for you (click on the link to see the gift):
DON: It’s life size. http://anwo.com/shopsite_sc/store/html/beagle.html
JILL: I want Jill to know that every time she falls asleep, she can look up and see that the stars are within her reach. http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/glowstars.htm
UELI: This is GUARANTEED to cure cluster headaches: http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=24627&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=17
Really, this could happen http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=21882&keyword=CAT1%5FG%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=5
As our guardian against snakeoil salesmen, I give you this, oh so aptly named, sidearm to protect us.
http://www.kopes.com/swords/fantasy/sword-of-shadows.htm
This also CURES cluster headaches.
http://www2.active.ch/~gerstei/main.en.html
CHARLIE: Give this out along with Dr. Wright’s Technique, the Newbies need all the help they can get and the kids these days have grown up in such a sheltered life (how about your dad making you go out and get your own switch from a tree to get punished with) that they have a very short attention span.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=1404&keyword=CAT1%5FJ%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=1
Wow, you were right again! http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=24812&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=18
From a Demo who got to shake Harry Truman's hand, I think it’s up to you to keep an eye on those damned republicans.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/whitehouse-cookiejar.htm
ALL: Give this to people who ask about how bad your headaches are.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=21864&keyword=saleitem&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=9
ROXY: I just don’t know what made me think of you?
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=26024&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=29
And…..
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=22238&keyword=CAT1%5FJ%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=3
ELAINE: Just in case you lose the race with the wind next time. (comes with it’s own wind)
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=24496&keyword=CAT1%5F%40E&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=5
REVDEFORD: I searched for dingleberrys, but everyone told me that you have to grow your own. As a substitute….
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=2452&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=10
It just reminded me of you
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=26231&keyword=CAT1%5FL%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=3
I FORGOT WHO THIS WAS FOR:
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=24792+LG&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=18
FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO ROLL POT:
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25011&keyword=CAT1%5FG%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=8
JONNY: They finally made you a commemorative coin.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25211&keyword=CAT1%5FL%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=16
Inspired by your profile tag line
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25723&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=36
Killing two birds with one stone. (WARNING: Cliché)
http://www.kopes.com/novelties/bite-me-paper-clip.htm
I know that sometimes you are at a loss for words when welcoming newbies like me.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/talkingteddybear-ballsybear.htm
Just because you are sitting on your throne, doesn’t mean that you are safe from the BEAST.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/bogmonster.htm
So you will never run out of it, helping people
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/moneymachine.htm
CATLIND: In honor of Cat’s first flame.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25606&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2CCAT2%5FH%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=4
CONTINUED:
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Wine is a little like love. When the right one comes along, you know it!
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SommelierCH
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #1 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 2:54am » |
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KIM: In case it happens again.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25662&keyword=CAT1%5FI%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=1
SOME NAMES SHOULDN’T BE MENTIONED:
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25705&keyword=saleitem&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=15
EYES_AFIRE: Inspired by your profile logo
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25712&keyword=saleitem&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=7
ECHO: It’s not a spray!!!
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=2841&keyword=CAT1%5FJ%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=2
If that doesn’t work…..
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25749&keyword=saleitem&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=16
If those don’t work….
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/pretty-nosehair.htm
Now go back to work.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25798+LG&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=24
FOR ALL THE WOMEN BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR BREAST SIZE:
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25790+LG&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=23
ME-- BEFORE JONNY’S SUGGESTION:
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=25910&keyword=saleitem&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=8
FOR EVERYONE WHO IS STILL GOING TO THE JOKE PAGE FOR “HELP”
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=26223&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=5
MARGI: As a vintner, you probably want to take some of your wine to the party, but really hate to part with your labor of love. Put the wine in this, if they can’t figure it out, you get to bring the wine back home.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=32845&keyword=CAT1%5F%40E&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=3
UH…ANOTHER ONE THAT I CAN’T REMEMBER WHO IT’S FOR:
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=35981&keyword=CAT1%5FE%40%2BCAT1%5FD%40%2BCAT1%5F%40L&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=17
COOTIE: No, really, it works.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=50021+MD&keyword=CAT1%5F%40E&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=4
CAPN. DAVID SHEA: He goes to all those countries, and you just don’t know how many meters the ship needs. (Where are you David? Miss you.)
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=5894&keyword=saleitem&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=2
PEPPERMINT: I know your fingers must be awfully sore, after clawing at my tough hide, so futilely. Perhaps this will help.
http://www.johnsonsmith.com/store/product_detail.asp?UID=200212082328148 5&item_no=8917&keyword=CAT1%5FG%40&cat_keyword=&search_page_no=3
FOR ALL THE GUYS WHO WERE TALKING ABOUT SMALL PENISES, MEASURE WITH THIS:
http://www.wackyplanet.com/lefrul.html
DRK^ANGEL: The next time you get hassled for not wanting to talk on the phone, show them why.
http://www.cycoactive.com/blender/
A LOT OF YOU JUST CAN’T TEAR YOURSELVES AWAY FROM THIS BOARD, PERHAPS THIS WILL HELP:
http://www.kopes.com/computer/internet-urinal.htm
I GUESS THIS IS FOR GUYS ONLY, AND SELF EXPLANATORY:
http://www.b4up.com/
FOR THE BABES. JUST BECAUSE THE MEDS CAUSE YOU WEIGHT GAIN, IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T LOOK SEXY:
http://www.whatyouget.com/shops/apparel/torrid.html
FOR THE SUPPORTERS WHO ARE NEVER REALLY SURE IF THE CLUSTER SPOUSE IS GOING TO GIVE IT UP TONIGHT:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/bedroom-moodmeter.htm
CONTINUED:
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| « Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2002, 3:08am by SommelierCH » |
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Wine is a little like love. When the right one comes along, you know it!
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SommelierCH
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #2 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 2:57am » |
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FOR THE WOMEN WHO USE THIS THERAPY:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/shoppingshirley.htm
I LIVE AND WORK IN THE LAND OF SILICONE, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS?
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/bouncingboobs-doll.htm
MR.HAPPY: I checked out your cool web site, so I thought this would be apropos.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/fishinglure-mailbox.htm
FOR MEN WHO WON’T HELP WITH THE HOUSEWORK.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/hulagirlduster.htm
And…..
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/mopslippers.htm
ME—WHEN I GET OUT OF CYCLE:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/drinking-game.htm
ALL THE NEWBIES:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/fishoutofwater.htm
FOR THOSE WHO DON’T GET ALL THE HORNER’S SYNDROME SYNDROMES:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/mucus.htm
HAVE SOME FUN THE NEXT TIME YOU GUYS GET TOGETHER WITH DJ FOR A DRINK:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/barstoolracer.htm
RICCARDO:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/cowboyboot-pizzacutter.htm
FOR OUR JEWISH BROTHERS AND SISTERS:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/dancingharvey.htm
SLAMMY: I swear to you, I thought this had an “L” in it when I chose it.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/singing-birthdaycake.htm
FOR THE GUYS AND THE GAY WOMEN:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/sexsnorkel.htm
IF YOU THINK THIS IS FOR YOU, IT IS:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/thinktank.htm
SOME OF THE GUYS HAVE ALSO COMPLAINED OF WEIGHT GAIN:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/largest-underpants.htm
OVERALL PROTECTION FOR THE BOARD:
http://www.kopes.com/gadgets/electronic/xcontro.htm
FOR EVERYONE WHO CAN’T STAND INFIGHTING ON THE BOARD: Put this on before you log in.
http://www.kopes.com/weapons/armor/armor-701.htm
NOT4HIRE: Save the refrigerator, next time.
http://www.wolftrax.com/products/bh/
JACKIE:
http://shop.store.yahoo.com/whitneystore/giantjacks.html
MARK C: You can help us fix things without leaving the house.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/milvoodoo.htm
BOB_P: I give you this, because so far you have been this “title”.
http://www.popularauthorbooks.com/r/Ayn_Rand/The_Voice_of_Reason_Essays_ in_Objectivist_Thought_The_Ayn_Rand_Library_Vol_V__0452010462.htm
PAUL_B: Who was gracious in his greeting to me, and who invited me to a round of golf. Since I’ve never played before, it could become exceedingly frustrating for him, and this might help.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/breakable-golfclub.htm
RICK: Who was the first person to extend a hand. I give you your first weapon.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0528956485/104-7543564-391 0354?vi=glance
DJ: Because he has given us so much of his.
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/heartthrob.htm
I had more, but I will stop here, because I know I’m going to get a lot of S*** for doing this. Before you flame me, I want you to know that this is designed for people like me in mind. People who are kept up at night by the BEAST, and keep coming back to this board. Not too many people post late at night, so this is something to check out when you have nothing else to do.
Finally, Santa’s (me again, sorry) real gift is:
PAIN FREE DAYS AND NIGHTS,
I love you all and happy holidays,
David J.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2002, 3:20am by SommelierCH » |
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Wine is a little like love. When the right one comes along, you know it!
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Mark C
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #3 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 4:28am » |
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..........and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!!
Thanks David!
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OneEyeBlind
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #4 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 5:34am » |
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Too funny, Santa !!!
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Charlie
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #5 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 6:33am » |
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Whuddya mean Santa ain't real ???  I hate you 
Great stuff David. Thanks and it was fun.
Charlie
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echo
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #6 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 8:54am » |
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Thank you Santa!
Looking forward to using the nose hair wig. It will help during meetings.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2002, 3:56pm by echo » |
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Peppermint
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #7 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 10:45am » |
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Thanks SCh...just what I always wanted... ;D
Now... I THINK I know which finger I'll be using to play that guitar with..
..DO YOU??
hAPPY hOLIDAYS TO yOU... may the New Year bring you all the PFDAN you wish for
Pepp 
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When playing in the gym, beware of steel beams. - M. Amyx
Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble. - Charles H. Spurgeon
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brain_cramps
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #8 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 11:35am » |
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and one for you Santa...
(The link worked a minute ago!!! sorry)
http://www.funideas.com/product.asp?pid=34
Barnoculars (flask that looks like binoculars)
"Perfect gift for the golf course, sporting events, opera, and CHURCH"
(sorry rev!)
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| « Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2002, 11:48am by brain_cramps » |
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Jackie
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #9 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 2:06pm » |
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David............ROTFLMAO.... ;D
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.....something I always wanted...
"Big Jacks" (the name we called my Dad...  )
Jacks 
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rick
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #10 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 3:51pm » |
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Dude,
You hooked Ueli up.
-R
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Roxy
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #12 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 7:01pm » |
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David, OOOOOOUCH!
That was too funny...if I knew how to post a site, I would return the favor. Hope your holidays are merry and totally pain free.
R
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Peppermint
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #13 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 7:09pm » |
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the nice list...
That means I was a B*****???... HEY! thanks
Now I get BOTH presents....I'll save the first one for those SPECIAL times...
thanks for the gift, Santa!
Peppermint
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You like apples? How ya like them apples?
When playing in the gym, beware of steel beams. - M. Amyx
Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble. - Charles H. Spurgeon
FYI - I am NOT a clusterhead.
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #14 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 8:26pm » |
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thanks bro...I'll keep my powder dry......an eye on the fridge.... and a spare clip...."just in case......."
Merry Christmas to you and yours, too
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cootie
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #15 on: Dec 16th, 2002, 9:13pm » |
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David....."thanx" fer the uplift in mood swings.....I was in a horrible mood till I read yer post.....all I can say is thanx and happy Xmas and a merry New Year......oh goodie gum drops....a new Q-Ray bracelet....does it cure holiday stress tho I wonder ??? Pam.....................
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Ree
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #16 on: Dec 17th, 2002, 8:37pm » |
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nuthin again for Ree... sigh
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #17 on: Dec 18th, 2002, 3:28am » |
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Should I be insulted or complimented, thqt my name was not there?
Linda
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #18 on: Dec 18th, 2002, 6:26am » |
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Yup. Thanks David.
I and my little dancing buddies thank you for the 425 hours you put into this
You started this. 
It should be fun.....
Charlie
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SommelierCH
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #19 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 9:11am » |
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Well kids, Santa had to trip out for a couple of days, but he (me again, sorry) got your messages and the cool binocs/grog holder. Santa hasn’t had much interaction with you three nice kids, but he did a little research and came up with this:
BRAIN_CRAMPS: Santa loves his gift, however not holding a monopoly on the deity biz, when you mentioned that the binocs could be used in “Church”, he was called on the carpet. It seems that he has no choice but to give you this:
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/nunzilla.htm
REE: Santa thought that since you had sons in the military, you might have fun with this
http://www.pranxsters.com/potatogun.html
Then he saw that one son was a marine, and this little spud gun would never do. So he came up with this:
http://www.spudtech.com/default.asp
After being told that potatoes are illegal in Massachusetts--he chose all of the following:
http://www.whalesdirect.com/turtles/
LINDA_HOWELL: Santa heard that your roof took a beating in this last storm! Since Santa lives in LA, he knows how hard it hit. Santa wants you to know that all is not lost, you can always do this: http://mysoapshack.getmyip.com/slates.html
Or this: http://www.jenkinsslate.com/store_gifts.html
He also wanted to get a new outfit for your alter-ego on the message board (under your name) and he found this: http://www.partyhouse.co.nz/IMAGES/80156zena.gif
But after a little searching, and scrolling up and down and up and down and up and down, he decided that he liked these so much better:
http://www.fantasiawear.com/costumes-16-wonder.htm.
Now, be cool kids and remember, Santa’s real gift is:
PAIN FREE DAYS AND NIGHTS,
David J.
P.S. A special thanks to Charlie and his "dancing buddies"
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Wine is a little like love. When the right one comes along, you know it!
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Hound_Dogg
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #21 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 1:52pm » |
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Nothing for Ree...and nothing for me
I've been a baaaaaaaaaaaaad boy.
I'll just take one of the ones that says "Forgot who this was for".
Jim
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kim
New Board Newbie
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Posts: 7
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #22 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 9:49pm » |
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Tanks Santy poopsie !!! Did ya get the cookies?
And a-way-he-goes!
Happy funfilled and Merry days ahead! ;DOnly.............look out for Kimmy's Sled....................
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cootie
New Board Hall of Famer
sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
Gender:
Posts: 8406
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #23 on: Dec 19th, 2002, 11:18pm » |
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For you David......."give it time ta load".....takes a bit....it's an action pic pa-pa-oom-mow-mow....after a zillion tries I think I got it....UPDATE: sorry if this link won't work....I can get it but some browers I guess won't....so, sorry bout that....my first attempt at adding a link.....
http://ghoulardi.tripod.com/index2.html
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| « Last Edit: Dec 21st, 2002, 1:28pm by cootie » |
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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Linda_Howell
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Hearing is one thing. Listening is another.
Gender:
Posts: 6721
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Re: Santa has chosen THESE gifts for all of you
« Reply #24 on: Dec 20th, 2002, 2:38am » |
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Sommelier,
Thank you. I feel so much better now.
NOW!.....if you could only get me some gorgeous hunk wearing a carpenters belt and no shirt to install those roof tiles/shingels, I can die a happy person. Linda
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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