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Topic: New York Times Headlines (Read 224 times) |
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Ted
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New York Times Headlines
« on: Nov 26th, 2002, 4:59am » |
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OK. They're from National Lampoon:
New male contraceptive on horizon; "trust me, baby, I'm already on it," offers New Jersey man
All dogs share common ancestor; "I think I dated her," states Milton Berle, adding yet another entry to his private joke file
Hundreds dead in Nigeria as Muslims riot over beauty pageant; "they are degrading to women," explains Burkha-clad spokeswoman
Bush welcomes Baltic nations into NATO; "once we get Atlantic, we can start building hotels" beams President
500 people on cruise ship sickened by lingering stomach virus; hundreds more made ill by exposure to lounge act featuring "Mr. Jimmy Tonic"
Silly Putty Creator Earl Warrick dead at 91; heirs lift obituary off newspaper in fitting last tribute
Only 13% of young Americans can locate Iraq on map; "Ha! I'm smarter than 87% of our high-school'ers," beams President Bush, pointing excitedly at North Korea
Computer experts design "dating" software to help endangered Pandas find mates; "they're just gonna waste their time chatting," warns New Jersey man
American scientists to attempt to create a new form of life using lab dish; Canadian couple to attempt to create life using penis, vagina
Kuwaiti cop shoots 2 American soldiers; "it's like I'm back in LA," smiles homesick G.I.
Today in History November 25, 1985:
At home from college for Thanksgiving lunch, Martin Forst finally realizes that he does not like blintzes. He will keep this terrible secret to himself until his mother's death 17 years later. Yet when he searches for someone with whom to share his dark truth, he will find that he is alone. Alone and motherless. He is even more horrified to discover that cheese-filled pastries are not traditional Thanksgiving fare.
SUPER BONUS HEADLINES
Michael Jackson dangles his newborn, Prince Michael II, over hotel balcony; Unfortunately for child, Jackson doesn't drop him to his death
DUI deaths increased in 2001 as nation relearns how to have fun
More kids are allergic to Peanuts; "Thank God Charles Schultz is still dead," says confused epidemiologist
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| « Last Edit: Nov 26th, 2002, 5:00am by Ted » |
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Charlie
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Re: New York Times Headlines
« Reply #1 on: Nov 26th, 2002, 3:23pm » |
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This was a good bunch Ted but this one got to me:
Quote:| Silly Putty Creator Earl Warrick dead at 91; heirs lift obituary off newspaper in fitting last tribute |
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Wonder where all those eggs wind up? 
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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ave
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Re: New York Times Headlines
« Reply #2 on: Nov 26th, 2002, 4:27pm » |
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Thanks Ted, but enlighten a poor furreiner: what is the New Jersey Man?
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