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Topic: "Capitol" punishment........ (Read 219 times) |
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Mr. Happy
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"Capitol" punishment........
« on: Nov 22nd, 2002, 9:42am » |
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Here in Philly, we've had a quaint little diversion lately, to keep our minds off of the more _Important_ topics... like war, terrorism, national debt and the `Canadian threat'.
Seems a local Rabbi.........Rabbi Freddy Newlander.......decided that things had worn a little thin with his wife of many years. Basically, he got real horny, found himself a "Tart de Jour", and proceeded into his newfound realm of "Belly Bumping" with great joy. Everybody in his Synagogue remarked at how well adjusted he seemed.......great interpretation of the Torah, and his recipe for Gefeltafish was bested by none.
Apparently our little Rabbi wasn't quite satisfied with simply getting a little "on the side". (Personally, I prefer it in the front or the back.....but each to his own!) It seems Mrs. Newlander was sort of sticking in this guy’s craw, and he came up with a nifty idea......or so he thought. Having come from a people with a long standing history and bona-fide set of rules to live by, the old "Thou shalt not kill" morphism kept ringing in the back of his head, so, being a true interpreter of law, he was able to kind of _bend_ this one just a tad, and still come up with the desired result: Hire someone else to the deed. Excellent thinking, Rabbi.
Of course, every ointment has it's fly......and old Freddy boy failed to realize there was no real School of Ass-assins from which to recruit new graduates looking for that Entry Level Position of opportunity, as it were. So, as is often the case, he found the first simple minded thugs he could, and proceeded with his _master plan_: have these good old boys "dust" the floor with his soon to be Ex-wife, while he was off creating an air tight alibi in front of a crowd, merrily doing what Rabbi's do...... a free circumcision (he only took "tips"), or some other approved ritual.
Everything went seemingly perfectly, but as we know.....all good things must come to an end. The first trial was a bust, with a hung jury (maybe "Well Hung", in Freddy's case), so they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly......for an all new, improved edition of the Let's Hang Freddy show. Result? Guilty. Ahh, Freddy, if only you had "taken matters in hand", you could have saved us a lot of legal time and money..... but who am I to offer advice? Sentencing is occurring today.......life in prison, or death.......... which brings me to the point of this little story.
Why is it, when someone is caught and convicted, the best we can come up with is prison or death? How expensive..how cruel.....and UNIMAGINATIVE!!! There must be a thousand different ways to deter common criminality.....and thanks to you folks, here's a real, viable alternative to consider:
We need to have local, regional, national, and international "DeVivals" of CH sufferers, and someone...Ueli comes to mind.....with the medical expertise (and a large bore needle), to suck out a little of our Hypothalamic Hell-Juice, and INJECT it into a select few: The Cream of the Criminal Crop. Duct tape their hands and feet together, time `em to a chair, and make `em watch reruns of I Love Lucy (no sound, either) for the duration. If they come out of cycle, Jab `em again.....and again. Two problems solved at once.......criminality, and the exposure we all so desperately need. Don't you love it when a plan comes together?
Options. There's always options.......
RJ
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Cerberus
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Whomever said that two heads are better than one?
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Re: "Capitol" punishment........
« Reply #1 on: Nov 22nd, 2002, 9:55am » |
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Damn......It's soooo hard to find good help these days
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I would rather face the end with terror than terror without end. - (Deitrich Sawatsky 194?)
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Hound_Dogg
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Re: "Capitol" punishment........
« Reply #2 on: Nov 22nd, 2002, 10:04am » |
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For anyone that's interested...You can find the Fred Neulander story on this link.
Note: it will probably change daily, so this link is probably only good today.
www.nbc10.com
Oh, and don't miss the female gym teacher having sex with her students...AHHH, to be young again. When I was in school that was called a fantasy and not a crime.
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| « Last Edit: Nov 22nd, 2002, 10:06am by Hound_Dogg » |
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Mark C
CH.com Alumnus
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Onward through the fog.
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Re: "Capitol" punishment........
« Reply #4 on: Nov 22nd, 2002, 10:47am » |
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Good morning Mr. Happy,
You are correct Sir, all of the good, effective, dare I say dramatic methods of correction have become as rare as prayer in school. Stocks in the public square for DWI. A couple of days of that would be quite effective both for the convicted and spectator alike. "Deterrent" is the word I believe. Hanging, firing squad, guillotine, all in the public square........ ahh the good old days. Mr. Happy is on to something (or ON something).
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Azrael
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Sometimes... Being good just ain't worth it.
 
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Re: "Capitol" punishment........
« Reply #5 on: Nov 22nd, 2002, 12:16pm » |
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If it wasn't for that whole cruel and unusual thing... And I'm fairly positive that even the courts would agree that CH is both cruel and very unusual indeed. 
PFDAN.................................. Drk^Angel
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