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Topic: Fuck you I love you! (Read 1825 times) |
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DougL
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Fuck you I love you!
« on: Sep 25th, 2002, 3:34pm » |
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I’ve been thinking about this for a while now.
I read the messages the supporters post. They are giving advice to the other supporters to not take it to heart if their clusterhead snaps at them while getting hit.
Now this bothers me!
Where do we as clusterheads get off in feeling that its ok to snap at the people that we love. Just because we are in pain?!?
I just don’t agree that this is ok.
I make an extra very hard effort while in pain to be nice to my supporter while getting hit.
He does not deserve that type of treatment. He is at my beckoning call for the duration and deserves that kind of respect!
Please people. Your supporter deserves so much more than petty snapping. I know this may be a lot to ask while in the mist of a kip 10, but think how you would feel if you were on the other side and getting snapped at just for trying to help and love someone.
DougL
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| « Last Edit: Sep 27th, 2002, 12:07pm by DougL » |
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jonny
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This is just ONE of the reasons that I insist on being alone when clustering.
.........................jonny
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ChristineL
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Doug,
This is off the subject but good luck with the hurricane. Hope you and your supporter stay warm and safe. We will be thinking of you.
Chris L
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Bob P
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Shut up Bob!
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #3 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 3:51pm » |
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Fuck you! I love you! Kind of redundant, don't ya think? Sounds like an old Doors song.
Hub once asked me to rub his belly while he was getting hit. I didn't fall for that old trick though.
My wife asks how she can help when I'm getting hit and I just say "Pull my finger"! She only asked once and I didn't even need to snap at her.
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Mrs. Barlow, I never, and I repeat never, ever pissed in your steam iron.
"SHUT UP HUB!"
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domm
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #4 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 4:02pm » |
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Doug - I'm with Jonny on this one. Leave me alone while I'm getting hit. I don't want to say or do anything I would regret later.
My beautiful wife / support is probably the only one who truly knows how to "handle" this from me. And when I'm recovering, I always make sure to reconnect with her.
After 30 years, of marriage she is still my best friend.
domm
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Slammy
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #5 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 4:04pm » |
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on Sep 25th, 2002, 3:41pm, jonny wrote:This is just ONE of the reasons that I insist on being alone when clustering.
.........................jonny |
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Ditto Dude! ;D
Slammy 
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That's it! Everyone out of the pool!
" Everytime I try to get out, they PULL me back in! "
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echo
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #6 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 4:12pm » |
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When asked in the past "What can I do for you honey"?
Leave me the fuck alone!
Now she gives me the space I need, but continually checks on me to ensure I'm not going over the deep end.
I agree that the decision of how to be supported must be determined while out of cycle. True loving supporters are understanding and unoffended. My wife is one of these types of supporters.
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| « Last Edit: Sep 25th, 2002, 4:30pm by echo » |
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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Margi
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #7 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 4:22pm » |
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I just gotta get in on this one.
This is exactly why I always stress how important it is to ask you guys what you want us to do while you're getting hit - but to ASK that question BETWEEN attacks - NOT during one! - and to NOT be offended if you need to be alone. Expecting you to be patient and pleasant when you're in that kind of pain is just asking too much.
Those of us who have been supporters for a long time know that you will come to us if you need us during an attack, but it's always best to let you lead during this grisly dance.
I'm blessed with Mike - he's not a snapper at all. He just needs his space when he's getting hit. Like Domm said, the time for reconnection is after the attack.
Thanks, Dougie Lutz - you're a star for saying what you said. 
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jonny
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Margi,
I sent you mail Monday and it came back today......I resent today did you get it?
..................jonny
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echo
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #9 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 4:33pm » |
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During an attack she once asked me if a hummer would help. Good for a great laugh. ;D Wonder if it would work? Johnson that is. ???
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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2late
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #10 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 5:03pm » |
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i'm with jonny lock me away i'll deal with it. echo, i'm pretty sure that's the only time i'd refuse a hummer,just make sure you get a raincheck ;D ...........2late
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Elaine
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You are so right Doug, pain does not give us a right to snap at people expecially people who are trying to help.
I do remember gettig upset with Buddy in the ER one time, they were getting all my insurance information. Name address and phone number stuff like that . Buddy was just sitting there and I was trying to answer all the questions. The woman asked me how old I was. I be damn if I could remeber I looked at Buddy and said "you know you could help me out here these questions are getting harder damn it"!
Being alone is best. Like Margi said its best to tell them what we need so as not to chance being rude.
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Marc
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #12 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 9:09pm » |
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My 2 cents:
I don't snap at anyone because it's impossible for me to interact with others when I get hit. My "zero to Kip 9" is about 5-7 minutes. I don't talk, I don't make eye contact - I just pace around thinking "why me, why me".
If someone approaches me, I simply walk away holding my head. I just want to be left alone to deal with it in my own way. When it peaks, the dark and scary thoughts creep in while I rock. Simply impossible to see or do anything but try to deal with the Beast.
Between my eye and nose, I can soak a bunch of paper towels in 3 minutes flat. The heat builds up, and I'll try anything to cool off.
When the pain is on the down slope, I get really talkative, kind of "high" on the relief. It's a steep ramp - killer pain to zero in 5 minutes followed by total euphoria for about 30 minutes.
Marc
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| « Last Edit: Sep 25th, 2002, 10:03pm by Marc » |
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don
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Echo
I would like to think it helps.
In fact a feel a little shadow coming on now!
Oh honey......................................
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| « Last Edit: Sep 25th, 2002, 9:15pm by don » |
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Jabeen
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What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #14 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 9:35pm » |
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My experiences are just like Marc's post. My husband waits til I'm done and then sees what I need or want. Mine are always at night so I have told him to ignore me.
Jabeen 
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kristi
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Thank you DougL. Just knowing that you are thinking about us supporters and our feelings too with such warmth made me feel good. Being snapped at is irrelevant in comparison. 
PFDAN! K
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don
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #16 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 10:04pm » |
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I dont think any of us thinks it's OK. In fact I think we all feel pretty damn guilty when it happens. But I know it CAN happen so like Slammy and Jonny, it's syonara when I get hit. For me and my supporters.
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Marc
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #17 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 10:07pm » |
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Hey Don,
I know a really attractive gal who told me she was very "aural", do you suppose that she was talking about a Cluster abortive method? 
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| « Last Edit: Sep 25th, 2002, 10:08pm by Marc » |
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Charlie
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #19 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 10:39pm » |
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I used to say turn on the light, ask me how I'm feeling, turn on the radio or rattle the dishes and I'll kill you. Lucky I didn't throw someone down the cellar stairs, put their head in the vise, beat them to a plup with my mallet, saw off their head and start them on fire.
Otherwise I was a peach.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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ShariRae
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #20 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 10:57pm » |
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I agree with those that need to be alone.. I just walk away with my hand to my head...and they know.. when hubby or my kids "check on me" they know not to even talk...they just open the bedroom door..and if I put my hand up..they know I am ok on my own & to close the door & walk away.. I actually do it this way so they feel they at least tried to help... especially my kids...be kind to your supporters....they are there cuz they love you
Huggsss
Shari
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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.
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Peppermint
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #21 on: Sep 25th, 2002, 11:35pm » |
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To all of you who posted above,
Thank you for saying what I have been thinking . I received a message under Supporters board asking me about this type of thing.
#1 I am a long distance supporter, whatever that may mean. All Iknow is that my 'Angel' is rarely ever rude, in fact quite the opposite. I can tell when things are getting too much - I did ask him in between his attacks, about how he feels, what he needs, etc. And I also let him know the one time he hurt my feelings that I didn't deserve it, whatever it was he was feeling. He's supposed to let me know when he isn't feeling well, so that I can leave him be, doesn't want to talk, he needs his space....which he has done 99% of the time.
#2 I never think its okay for someone to be shitty to someone else who is doing what they do out of care or love  . We all have our moments, as above, but this should not be all about walking on eggshells and being a doormat. I agree with all the toughies on this board, one namely Jonny who ALWAYS  speaks his mind - you have to be thick skinned at the right time. You can always show the person you care for that you are there for them when they are NOT in intense, headbanging pain.
#3 I would never be so presumptuous as to say 'I know what you are going through' because I thank my lucky stars and Lord above that I really DONT.
This might do well to be posted under the SUPPORTERS CORNER board, there are some that could use this advice. I'm just glad it came from the people who know. I didn't want to look like an ignoramus -
(although Slammy, if I sent you a picture, you wouldn't say I look like one now would you? )
Thank you for confirming my belief, maybe SUZANNE 102 will read this... I didn't have the heart to say what I was thinking because I wasn't sure  ; thought it was only me. The thread I am referring to is under Sup corner, don't have a clue here need advice..
Now I am sure I was on the right track all along... thank God my 'Angel' sure behaves like one.
PFDAN to you all,
Peppermint
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When playing in the gym, beware of steel beams. - M. Amyx
Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble. - Charles H. Spurgeon
FYI - I am NOT a clusterhead.
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Ree
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #22 on: Sep 26th, 2002, 12:22am » |
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Dave likes to know that I'm in the world when he gets hit... sometimes he will call me but I just listen in the back ground incase he needs me... sounds like torture but I think he does this when he feels like hes dying or gonna die... if ya know what I mean... I always ask what he needs too... he gets snappy... if he gets too snappy or doesnt want me around I get lost... Most times I stay... my choice... been through alot together... I like to share this with him... He watched me give birth right... love to all of you... thanks again Doug L for knowing we care ~~~ree
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Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespocket http://www.prohawaiian.com
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catlind
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #23 on: Sep 26th, 2002, 8:03am » |
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I'd have to agree with everyone. No it's not ok to snap, and I am famous for snapping at my hubby. I then immediatly am apologizing. He has gotten used to it and understands now what to do and what not to do thanks to the great people on this site. It has helped him immensely.
The only thing he does now is leave me alone, and try to keep the kids from getting me irritated. He lets them help in various ways. When he's home, the only thing he will not let me do is leave the house on my own. He has physically restrained me while I screamed and thrashed and banged my head looking for a moving vehicle to put my head under. After it ends, it's all back to normal and I tell him how much he means to me and how much help he and the kids are to me.
This site has made all the difference in the world though, before he felt completely 100% helpless, and now he and I both understand things better, and he's able to do things that help him feel more helpful and me to not yell at him for trying to help and just loving me.
Cat
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| « Last Edit: Sep 26th, 2002, 8:04am by catlind » |
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough
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stevek
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Re: Fuckyou I love you!
« Reply #24 on: Sep 26th, 2002, 9:38am » |
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I vote for the "leave me the fuck alone". I only snap when I must repeat this every few CHs. I also can't stand my daughter's chick rap while I’m having a CH, actually I don't like it at any time. I think it is time for a room at the other end of the house.
Take care, stevek
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