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Topic: National Lampoon's Headlines (Read 294 times) |
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Ted
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National Lampoon's Headlines
« on: Sep 17th, 2002, 1:22pm » |
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Attention Deficit Disorder often missed in girls; "symptoms are virtually indistinguishable from normal, inane teen girl chatter" explains doctor
3 NYC subway stations re-opened; commuters, pickpockets happy with city's rebuilding process
Roman Catholic Church abuse policy hits obstacles; clergy's continuing love of sodomizing altar boys seen as biggest hurdle
White House says military can fight terror and Iraq at the same time; President, however, deemed unable to stand up and eat pretzels simultaneously
Americans living longer than ever; but pointlessness of existence has yet to decrease
Train carrying acid derails in Tennessee; Thousands of Phish fans hideously disfigured, discover acid is sulfuric
Surgery best for carpal tunnel syndrome; stopping masturbating compulsively to Internet porn runs a close second
Schools give up on uniforms; New Jersey Man with Catholic Schoolgirl fetish refuses to let fantasy go
Distant "planet" actually optical illusion; "not unlike thinking that Dyan Cannon is still good looking when seen from afar"
5 Yemeni men born and raised in Buffalo charged as terrorists; "After years of living in upstate NY, it's no wonder they hated the US so much" say Feds
7% of Americans have used illegal drugs in the past year; 93% are Squaresville, man!
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echo
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Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
« Reply #1 on: Sep 17th, 2002, 1:28pm » |
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Ted, thanks for putting this out here. I always enjoy these types of headlines.
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
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Slammy
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Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
« Reply #2 on: Sep 17th, 2002, 1:30pm » |
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on Sep 17th, 2002, 1:22pm, Ted wrote:Distant "planet" actually optical illusion; "not unlike thinking that Dyan Cannon is still good looking when seen from afar"
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You mean she's not?????Oh man! don't tell me that! 
Slammy 
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That's it! Everyone out of the pool!
" Everytime I try to get out, they PULL me back in! "
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echo
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Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
« Reply #3 on: Sep 17th, 2002, 1:34pm » |
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Slammy, seems like we agree on Dyan -- remember the pool table scene with Burt? Lucky bastard.
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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catlind
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Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
« Reply #4 on: Sep 17th, 2002, 2:22pm » |
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"5 Yemeni men born and raised in Buffalo charged as terrorists; "After years of living in upstate NY, it's no wonder they hated the US so much" say Feds "
ROFLMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And they weren't even UP upstate!!!!!!! ROFL
Cat
(guess ya hafta live here to get that one hehe)
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough
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Charlie
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Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
« Reply #5 on: Sep 17th, 2002, 7:21pm » |
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You may be right Cat but the paradise of Lackawanna sits south of Buffalo in the ruins of the Bethlehem Steel plant and the South Buffalo Railway, and not far from gorgeous Lake Erie.....Oh...and falling in defunct grain elevators.
Of course you can get all the chicken wings you want, curley fries and beef on wick...Actually the beef of wick is terrific....Just a hop skip and a jump to see the Bills play too.
What more could 5 Yemeni terrorist trainees want?
Considerably south of this paradise old Charle
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| « Last Edit: Sep 17th, 2002, 7:22pm by Charlie » |
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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catlind
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Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
« Reply #6 on: Sep 18th, 2002, 6:40am » |
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Charlie,
Clark took Alex to see the Dolphins and Bills play...the Dolphins won YAY hehe., actually I'm a 49'ers fan, but that's a different story...from when they USED to be a good team 
The landscape up here is breathtaking, the leaves in the fall through the adirondacks that change to brilliant reds, yellows and oranges over the lakes in the mountains...the towns that are economically challenged and falling into decay are depressing.
Otherwise, I might like it here 
Okay I'm rambling again, off to get more coffee...
Cat
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough
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Charlie
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Re: National Lampoon's Headlines
« Reply #7 on: Sep 20th, 2002, 6:44am » |
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Those who don't know New York State and think it's one big suburb of the City are missing a lot in the fall. Cat's right; this pace is beautiful. The Adirondacks especially.
Here in southwestern New York, one can take in the beauty of the Alleghenies, which on the way down I-86, one gets to drop in around Salamanca and buy cigarettes, gasoline, and view the construction of the Seneca Indian gambling casinos. Nothing beats the lovely facilities of Native American filling stations and the delightful and extensive selection of tax free tobacco. They sell horseshit cigarettes made with some kind of floor scrapings and cocoa. Not far from this paradise, one may go to the park and watch bears feed at the Allegheny Park garbage dump.
God it's a beautiful time of year.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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