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Topic: Funny (Read 609 times) |
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Virginia
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So I'm at a bar the other night with a group of friends and I mention that I'm going to try Botox for my headaches and the girl sitting next to me who I don't know very well starts in with "oh, let me know how that goes, I get migraines too"...UGH! Then she starts asking me if I've tried a list of different meds (all migraine meds) and at this point I start to get a h/a and I have no desire to try to explain clusters to her while the demon is attacking! We've all been through this right??
So my friend Keegan, who has always gone out of his way to try to understand what I go through, says to her in this snotty tone of voice "have you ever HEARD of cluster headaches??" and she goes "have you ever heard of migraines??" OH PLEASE! Keegan proceeds to tell Katie "you know what Virginia uses for her headaches? A hammer to the side of her head!" (Which is something I've done before, out of desperation). Meanwhile I'm just sitting there with tears streaming out of my right eye.
The next day Keegan says to me "I think the reason you're headaches are called the "suicide headache" is because people who compare them to migraines must have a death wish!". I enjoyed that so much I just had to share.
You know, after so many years of trying to explain these things sometimes you just get TIRED of trying! I'm glad I've got at least 1 friend who has read this website and who tries to understand.
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The Clusterhead formerly known as 9erfan.
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Melissa
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Virginia,
You are truely blessed. Not even my husband can attempt to understand the pain that I go through, much less the exhaustive explanations to people who have no clue... 
Mel
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gtarman
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It is indeed our curse to have to deal with the Beast and ignorance, too. Migrane sufferers may be inmates, but at least they're on work-release. Episodic CH'ers are in the can 24/7 during cycles, and chronics don't even get time off for good behavior.
You try and describe the symptoms to somebody, they think you're exaggerating or a hypochondriac looking for sympathy. Even if they witness a kip/10, they kinda go "It couldn't be THAT bad" and hit the reject button.
I was over at my neighbor's house the other day, her husband recently bought a Harley. She says, "Hey, why don't you buy one too? A nice ride in the fresh air might help your headaches!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...as if!
But at least we have this website; at least there are people who understand what real pain is. We don't have to explain it to each other, do we?
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jimmers
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Re: Funny
« Reply #3 on: Aug 19th, 2002, 8:51pm » |
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Don't ya sometimes just wanna BITCH-SLAP someone?
Lets make a list of the top 10 things to do to nonsufferers (Spouses or significant others excluded) when they say "Oh, I get headaches too"
Let me start (Fill in the rest)
#1 Smack them in the face 34 times with a piece of heavy mining equipment!
#2 Castrate them using a wooden spoon as knife!
#3
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I don't suffer from INSANITY; I'm enjoying every minute of it!
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Not4Hire
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...WAS PF since Oct.'02, but ...oh my...(CBusters)
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Re: Funny
« Reply #4 on: Aug 19th, 2002, 11:18pm » |
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ok jim....i'll try:
#3 Pluck out one eyball (your choice)... wrap it in flaming barbwire and pound back into place with a claw hammer
....and Gman.....the bike idea DOES have some merit... never had even a ghost of a shadow of a CH while ridin' my bike.... (could be enhanced o2?) and ya don't need ta spend $20K on a Harley to get the effects....... sorry Bob!!!
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| « Last Edit: Aug 20th, 2002, 7:41am by Not4Hire » |
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Mantra: This will NOT kill me...This will not KILL me... This will not kill ME...
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gtarman
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OK, I'll contribute #4...
Drive an 8-inch hot metal rod with an alligator clip on the end into their face, grab the trigeminal nerve and clamp down on that sucker...
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sailpappy
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Re: Funny
« Reply #6 on: Aug 20th, 2002, 7:51am » |
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;D ;D Virginia,
I caught something in your message that no one else mentioned, first that was a very clever comment your friend made about the people with a Death Wish!
Quote:| So I'm at a bar the other night with a group of friends |
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and my next question is, what were you drinking? Beer is a hugh trigger, I'm chronic so I have never drank for many reasons, but I do know that Beer is brewed from Hops and they cause your system to create excess histamineace, which causes clusters!
Not a critisim for you having a drink as many here do drink, that is a personal choice for me, but I know from just smelling beer for me it's like saying Please jamb a hot sword through my eye and wiggle it around for about 1 1/2 hrs. Pappy
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| « Last Edit: Aug 20th, 2002, 7:51am by sailpappy » |
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Jim R
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Re: Funny
« Reply #7 on: Aug 20th, 2002, 8:40am » |
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...and trying to explain them to health care workers (from docs to nurses, etc.) is really a pain because they usually look at you like you're nuts! I was in the ER the other night a was telling the triage nurse that the last time I came in they gave me morphine which made the CH worse. First, she goes (skepitcally) "...they gave you MORPHINE?" and then "and it made it WORSE?" Yup and Yup, but I could tell she thought I was nuts. Then I told her that droperiodol if what finally worked and she looked at me like I was exhibiting "drug seeking behavior" Unfortunately my CH had descended to about a KIP4 at that point and my eye was done crying and drooping, etc., so I did not look like I was in a lot of pain or she would have seen something that looked unlike anything she had seen before....! PFDANs to you. - Jim R
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"Hammer of the Gods..." (pounding on my head...) and isn't Bowie great?!
Proud member of OUCH
Episodic Clusterhead since 1978
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NancyMcFree
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I think the best comment I have gotten so far would have to go to my sister in law - she said "When I have trouble sleeping, if I say Hail Mary's over and over again I usually fall asleep". And I am thinking of shoving a hot poker up her A** (that would be # ?) for even thinking while you are rolling on the floor begging for forgivness that not once did a prayer utter from my lips !!!!!!! Give me a break. In between begging for forgiveness who hasn't prayed ????
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catlind
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;DRe: Funny
« Reply #9 on: Aug 20th, 2002, 9:27am » |
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Not sure if this is #5 or 6, but mine is to take an icepick, stick in the coals of a fire until it becomes white hot, shove it in your temple, right or left, your choice, and twist it so it's coming out the eye of the same side.
response from ignorant person "it can't be THAT bad" response from me "get the ice pick" ;D
(that conversation in fact took place with my mother who is a migraine sufferer)
Cat
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If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough
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Virginia
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Re: Funny
« Reply #10 on: Aug 20th, 2002, 1:09pm » |
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Don't worry Pappy, I was only drinking ice tea. I meet once a month with this group of friends for happy hour and I'm always the one drinking lemonade or ice tea. I'm chronic so unfortunately alcohol rarely passes my lips!
My suggestion #6 (or is it #7) would be stick his/her head in a vise and squeeze it until a eyeball or two pops out! This would be my treatment for an ex-boss (The Bitch) who said to me after I had missed a week of work "you're really going to have to do something about these headaches"....Gee, I never thought of that you stupid bitch!!
This treatment would also be reserved for those Dr's in the ER who have sent me home with paperwork on how to take care of a migraine or a tension headache because most of them have no idea what a damn cluster headache even is! And you just want to say to those Dr's "KISS MY ASS"! 
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The Clusterhead formerly known as 9erfan.
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Drk^Angel
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#8... slowly insert a white hot needle into either eyeball, causing the fluid in the eye to start boiling, increacing the intraoccular pressure, until the eyeball explodes.
PFDAN............................. Drk^Angel
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Virginia
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Re: Funny
« Reply #12 on: Aug 20th, 2002, 3:15pm » |
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OUCH!!
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The Clusterhead formerly known as 9erfan.
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sailpappy
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Re: Funny
« Reply #13 on: Aug 20th, 2002, 11:25pm » |
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;D ;D Great to hear that you are aware of alcohol being a trigger, bummer that _Like Me_ You never get to go goofy and have some uninhibited fun, I would make such a fool of myself, I already know that, the way I like to make people laugh straight I can't imagine what a Buzz would do for that!
I know what you mean about the vise thing, just might get their attention if they had a clue, I have been accussed of trying to get drugs, almost been arrested by the cops because I was hurling on the side of a building out of sight of the busy sidewalk, luck being with me My Wife was there to explain and still they didn't believe it until I gave them that "The Demon Is coming out after you next-Axehole" When I stood up , being 6'-4" and 250#'s with the head spinning around and the druid sounds escaping they took off rather quickly! Got about a hundred or more similar stories so don't get me started! Probibly the best one is when the guy pointed a 9 MM inbetween my eyes and said he was going to take my wallet, well, being in a cluster at about k-9 I just laughed as I ask him if he had a death wish, shocked him so bad I had his gun inbetween his eye's in a millisecond and he didn't realize I couldn't even see past the tearing of my eyes, The cops thought it was pretty funny, he had robbed 9 people before me!
I guess the demon puts you into hyper speed!
I just wanted to be left alone! Pappy
P.S. stay out of Downtown Memphis after dark!
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Georgia
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If ya don't like my peaches, don't shake my tree.
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Re: Funny
« Reply #14 on: Aug 21st, 2002, 2:15am » |
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Fuck the ignorant innocents. I say let's focus on the dr's and the insurance co's and the drug co's and all the other rat bastards who we PAY to HELP us and yet who sit there and watch us writhing in our secluded hell and DO NOTHING to learn, to listen, to research, to attempt to understand, to try to stop the pain.....for those people, I will not sit and fathom some fantastic pain for them to suffer...I see no need...for I know of a pain more horrific than any I have ever before experienced...I call it the beast....and for those people, I would like to arrange a private meeting with him...a little tete et tete, shall we say? I will imagine them not only feeling the physical manifestation of this beast, but embracing his many faceted horror...his tendrils reaching out into every aspect of their personal and professional lives...his fear gripping their hearts every waking moment of their pathetic little days and their sleepless nights...and then I would watch as they went to the ER, thinking surely that they were dying...only to be treated as a drug-seeking p u s s y...only to be told to take some aspirins and lie down...I would snicker as the pain began to subside and they sighed that first breath of relief only to find the beast waiting for them around the next corner....I would giggle as they sat in the dr's office, crying for help...so desperate for relief that they were willing to ram a needle into their flesh, take any pill, regardless of the side effects...and instead were crushed into nothingness as the dr handed them a list of migraine triggers...I would smile like a chesire cat as they made an ass of themselves in public, at work, in front of their children...as they bashed their skulls against the wall, squealing with pain, to be told by the on-lookers in the midst of it all that they understand, they got headaches sometimes too ...I would laugh outright as they were subjected to a full battery of tests that their insurance only partially covered and they realized that they weren't dying and for the first time in their lives truly pondered if that was a good thing...I would then begin to dance with glee as they called the insurance company after finding a drug/treatment that would stop their pain if only they could afford it and/or get an adequate supply as they were given the "we don't really give a flying fuck about you or your little headache" run-around...and as they slumped to the floor, alone, crying, praying to any god or demon to stop their pain, wishing only they had the strength to reach that glistening razor sitting on the edge of the counter...I would whipser ever so gently in their ear....it's just a headache.
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la la lala la la.....(its the theme song from the smurfs in case you couldn't tell) Need a smile? Click here: http://users.compaqnet.be/cn174277/Smurfs%20-%20Smurf%20Theme%20Song.mp3
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oringkid
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WOW Georgia!
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catlind
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Re: Funny
« Reply #16 on: Aug 21st, 2002, 7:53am » |
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Can we add Georgia's post to one of the buttons like the devil button?? Damn Georgia that was EXCELLENT.
I like it I like it!
Cat
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough
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Slammy
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Re: Funny
« Reply #17 on: Aug 21st, 2002, 10:33am » |
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Thanks Georgia,
You can Rock me to sleep tonight! ;D
Slammy 
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That's it! Everyone out of the pool!
" Everytime I try to get out, they PULL me back in! "
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Little Deb
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Re: Funny
« Reply #18 on: Aug 21st, 2002, 10:48am » |
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DAMN Georgia!!!!
You have just touched places that...well nevermind.
That was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
I hit print as soon as I finished reading, mouth wide open
You go girl!!!!!
Deb
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Georgia
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If ya don't like my peaches, don't shake my tree.
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Re: Funny
« Reply #19 on: Aug 21st, 2002, 2:42pm » |
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Cat, are you saying I am the devil?
Slammy...uhhh...tempting, really...but no thanks 
Thanks all for the kind words. I am off to my anger management group now. 
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la la lala la la.....(its the theme song from the smurfs in case you couldn't tell) Need a smile? Click here: http://users.compaqnet.be/cn174277/Smurfs%20-%20Smurf%20Theme%20Song.mp3
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oringkid
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Oh Georgia, I have never seen anger managed more eloquently!
I copied that post. I keep it in my clusterstuff folder!
Sherry
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Virginia
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Re: Funny
« Reply #21 on: Aug 21st, 2002, 6:55pm » |
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WOW, Georgia! I don't know what you do for a living, but you should be a writer!
Our "disease" would make a great horror story if only it weren't true. People wouldn't believe it if they didn't live it, that's for sure!
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The Clusterhead formerly known as 9erfan.
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Charlie
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Happy to be here
  
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Re: Funny
« Reply #22 on: Aug 22nd, 2002, 12:25am » |
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Georgia is just getting warmed up. This is her thing. This and Hello Kitty
Really disgusting old Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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Georgia
New Board Hall of Famer
If ya don't like my peaches, don't shake my tree.
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Re: Funny
« Reply #23 on: Aug 22nd, 2002, 3:32am » |
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Thanks again, all. There aren't many places where a girl can be as sick and twisted as I, and get kudos for it. I love this place! Well, I love this place all except for that Charlie guy. You just had to bring up Hello Kitty didn't you, Charlie? Jeez. A girl mentions once or thrice that she really wants a Hello Kitty Personal MASSAGER that is being auctioned off on Ebay and no one will let her forget it. Well, I haven't forgotten either, Mr Charles. I will always remember your taunting, your teasing, your never actually buying it for me...did I mention lately that I love you Charlie and really really want that Hello Kitty toy still? I have a new address now though. I will email it to you. 
Love,
Georgia
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la la lala la la.....(its the theme song from the smurfs in case you couldn't tell) Need a smile? Click here: http://users.compaqnet.be/cn174277/Smurfs%20-%20Smurf%20Theme%20Song.mp3
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gtar_man
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Re: Funny
« Reply #24 on: Aug 22nd, 2002, 12:26pm » |
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Georgia - gee, wish I'd written that. Bad case of Writer's Jealousy.
Only other malady I ever had that even came close to CH was a subdural hematoma that occurred in my back in Jan.'98. Went to the ER thinking that someone had pushed an unseen bayonet into my back; since I'm middle-aged they gave me the heart-attack test routine, and when that came back normal they decided I was there for drugs and tossed me out on my ear, writhing in pain. Wife took me back twice more over the next 3 days; same Dr and same deal each time; 3rd time he suggested I consult a "pain management clinic". After 4 days of no food and no sleep my reg Dr FORCED them to admit me; did a spinal tap and found blood in my fluid. Should'a seen 'em start stepping and fetching then! Later I found out thru a nurse tech I knew that, when told what had been wrong, the ER DR stated "well who would've known?" Based on his input, NOBODY. Arsehole. I still get the urge to find him, bust his nose and both arms and then suggest he consult a pain management clinic...G-man
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I'm not a damn newbie! I just changed ISP's!
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